托福作文求批改:D/A:your jobs has more effects on your happiness than...

发布网友 发布时间：2024-10-12 00:01

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热心网友 时间：2024-11-09 12:31

Nowadays, people have a wide agreement thatwork plays an important role of people life 第一句话不好，我会问你你为什么这么说。
wholeheartedly这个词用得太矫情了
most cases太抽象，哪些case？
On the other hand, in most cases, social life has its specific purpose such as improve relationship with colleagues or expand human resources, which sometimes makes people feel stressful and tired, thus, people cannot get sense of happiness from their social life at all.病句啊。
非限定性定语从句，which不能只带前面整个句子，只可以指代前面的词。

jobs have more effects on individuals’ happiness than social life does整篇文章没有论证出more来啊！！！！！而且more这个东西是论证不出来的
逻辑有些混乱，建议每段把主题句写在第一句话。
望采纳

热心网友 时间：2024-11-09 12:33

总的来说这篇文章写得很好，只是individuals' 改为individual，还有几处标点符号使用不当。希望我能帮助你解疑释惑。